Five Minute Friday – From Other to Us

I am joining Five Minute Friday for the first time on THIS blog, but I have joined them in the past and loved the community, the creativity, and the life lessons.  Please consider clicking on over and reading some of the other entries if you have not already – the variety and the talents are large.

This week’s prompt is “Other”:

Other FMF

When I reflect on what my life is all about or what I am drawn to, it is making people feel less the “other” and more the “we”.  I am made extremely uncomfortable when I witness individuals being left out or excluded from a group.  Perhaps it is because of my own memories of feeling like the “other” – not fitting in quite right in elementary school and middle school and even high school.  I constantly sought ways to embrace the “we”: being part of teams, joining the pep squad, doing Student Body government, etc.  I wanted so badly to be part of something larger than myself and to bring others along for the ride.

I consider my teaching pedagogy to be one of building community amongst my students.  I am a champion of Speech and Debate being a community for its members, both coaches and students.  I hope that my Girl Scout troop is one that makes the girls feel part of a community.  Why is this my concern and my emphasis?  I’m not really sure.

I do know that some people are not only comfortable, but empowered being the “other”.  They like to stand out, to rebel to resist.  I am not one of those people.  I don’t think most people are one of those people.  I think that most would like to feel a part of a “we”.  Community, kindness, care, compassion and concern for “others” is important, because that is what turns “others” into “us”.

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash


When Reality Crashes Into Ideality

Life is not ideal.  At least, my life is not ideal.  So, I constantly find myself disappointed or disillusioned or guilty as reality crashes into my ideality.

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Sometimes that crash is big.  Like when my daughter was born almost two months early and soon after diagnosed with an unrepairable heart problem and in need of a transplant.  That crash was huge.  But, more often, the crashes are small.  Just little collisions really, that jolt me back to the disappointment of reality.  One such collision just happened.  I was reading an old blog post and saw a book that sounded wonderful.  So, I clicked over to Amazon to put it on my Wish List and CRASH!, I had bought it already.  In 2016!  I’ve owned this book that sounded absolutely wonderful and that I really wanted to read, for the past two years.  In that time, I haven’t really read much at all.  I buy books, I have Kindle unlimited, I go to the library regularly, but I. do. not. read.  In my ideality, I would read all the time.  But, in my reality, not so much.

A second crash happened a little before this one.  I got up to get something to drink and CRASH!, I saw my kitchen.  I have really been trying to follow Stephanie O’Dea’s daily tasks and keep my sink clear of dishes and my counters wiped down.  I feel like I’ve been more on top of cleaning the house (I feel like I’ve been cleaning and cleaning and cleaning), but that kitchen is evidence to the contrary.  And I mean, totally to the contrary.  Messy counters, sink full of dirty dishes, the floor needs sweeping, etc., etc.  And I know that I would feel so much better tomorrow morning if I cleaned it up tonight, but I. am. tired.  So, the reality is my kitchen won’t be clean tomorrow despite my ideality of wanting to be able to follow a simple, daily to-do list.

A third crash happened this morning when I realized that despite my desire to rejoin Jazzercise classes this week, I wasn’t going to be able to do it for numerous reasons.  I want to be a healthy, happy and fit person in my ideality, but in reality, I am often unmotivated, tired and feeling overwhelmed, so instead I sit at home struggling to get through a to-do list of cleaning and work items.

So, how do I prevent these crashes from happening?  I figure I have two choices.  One, I can accept reality as it is and live with it.  I can stop setting myself up by trying to be more, do more and do better.  But, to me, that sounds depressing.  It sounds like a lack of progress.  It sounds like settling.  It sounds like…well, giving up.  So, I refuse to take that route.  Two, I can work on avoiding the crashes by living up to my ideality.  This is going to take work, of course.  But, according to Psychology Today in Five Ways to Help Become Your Ideal Self the advice includes giving yourself credit for any steps you’ve taken, even if they are small.  So, despite not keeping up EVERY day with the dishes, there are fewer mornings they are piled high and the beds are made every day.  Despite reading few books over the past few years, I am currently reading a book out loud with my DD and I am reading a chapter a day in a cozy mystery set in Ashland OR, where I visited last week.  From there, the road gets a little less paved:

“You are the values you embody.”  Yikes.  I embody some good values.  Caring about others.  Being kind.  But, others, I really fail to act accordingly.  I value being well-read, but I only read things online most of the time.  I value social justice, but I can’t really identify much that I do that advances social justice.  So, this is an area I need to work on making changes.

Assessing daily choices can offer guidance for what you must change in order to become the person that people may one day toast.

That is a pretty powerful statement.  I go through my days without really thinking about the choices I’m making and how it will impact my future self.  For example, when I get up in the morning and just drink coffee without eating breakfast, I don’t think of that as a choice, but it is.  When I fail to focus on grading for a certain period of time or choose to read emails and scroll through Facebook mindlessly instead of cleaning something, that is a choice.  I really need to be asking myself, “What SHOULD I be doing if I want to move closer to my ideality?” every time I make a choice during the day.  That would probably be a pretty big shift.

“You are who you befriend.”  In this area, I feel better than other areas.  I have some good friends and all of them are pretty good people.  But, I also feel like I limit myself quite a bit.  I can’t decide if I am an introvert or just a little bit lazy.  I often feel exhausted after teaching, so having more interactions seems more than I can handle.  But, I am also energized by those really meaningful interactions when I have them.  So, I think choosing those people who really energize and motivate and embody the values I am interested in embodying would be helpful.  Again, choices.  Good choices as my daughter’s elementary school would say.

“You are how you use your time.”  Ouch.  That one really hurts.  I know that this is a major weakness of mine.  I love having the TV on, sitting on the couch, laptop on my lap.  It is only made better if I can be in pajamas and comfy socks.  This is not a good use of time.  This is not a good choice.  I could be reading books.  I could be visiting with those energizing friends.  I could be cleaning my house so it feels good and welcoming.  I could be sitting outside and enjoying the sun or rain or flowers or butterflies.  But, instead, I am sitting on the couch.  Enough of that already!  I am writing this message on some sticky notes and putting them on my refrigerator, my planner, my mirror, etc.  I need to be constantly reminded of this item.

“You are how you spend your money.” Another ouch.  A lot of this is awareness.  I don’t look at my bank statement or online statement unless something goes wrong or I’m running out of money.  I spend mindlessly.  I buy things I don’t need.  I buy my DD things she doesn’t need.  Our house is overflowing.  If I am how I spend my money, I am mindless and out of control.  Yup.  It pretty much fits right now.  Again, I think raising awareness is step one.  Looking at statements.  Balancing checkbooks.  Actually thinking about what I’m spending and on what before I spend it.

“You are what you eat.”  Well, this one also isn’t good.  Today was not a bad day.  I ate breakfast, lunch and dinner and all of them were decently healthy.  Some days (many days?) I will drink coffee for breakfast, grab a soda and some snack for lunch and then eat so much for dinner I feel like I’m going to pop.  I will also eat dinner early because I haven’t eaten all day and then I end up hungry and eating around 11 p.m. again.  If I am what I eat, I am, again, mindless and out of control.

I like this article because, despite my negative findings above, the ending gives me hope:

Remember, life is not a snapshot in time. It is a path. So, if you were celebrating your 100th birthday today, could you say that you are proud of not just the life you’ve led, but also the path you chose for your future?

Choosing a path means choosing each and every turn along that path.  That can seem a little daunting, but I think it just requires mindFULness instead of mindLESSness.  It means that I actually consider my choices from the time I wake up in the morning – take a shower or not, wear clothes that make me feel good or not, do my hair and put makeup on or not, brush my teeth or not, exercise or not – until nighttime, what time to go bed, reading before bed, cleaning before bed, etc.  Up to this point, I think I’ve been living by not making choices, but in the words of famous rock band Rush, “If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.”

What will your choices be tomorrow?

Sparks: First Steps First – Learn the Law and Promise

Every level of Girl Scouts and every meeting for Girl Scouts begins with a reminder of the Girl Scout Law and Promise. For those unfamiliar with the Law and Promise, here is the Promise:

On my honor, I will try:

to serve God and my country,

to help people at all times,

and to live by the Girl Scout Law.

and the Law:

I will do my best to be

honest and fair,

friendly and helpful,

considerate and caring,

courageous and strong, and

responsible for what I say and do, and to

respect myself and others,

respect authority,

use resources wisely,

make the world a better place, and

be a sister to every Girl Scout.

Juliette Low, the founder of Girl Scouts was inspired by the law and promise from the British Girl Guides which was her inspiration for Girl Scouts in America. I love the Law and Promise and think the world would be a better place if we all lived by the ideals set forth in both.  Some of the things I most love about the Law and Promise:

  1. The Law begins first with the idea of “serving” – God, country, others.  We don’t often focus on service to others in our world today and it certainly isn’t the first priority in most cases.  But, with Girl Scouts, it is the first thing girls promise.  It aligns well with God’s message to us as well: “It is God himself who has made us what we are and given us new lives from Christ Jesus; and long ages ago he planned that we should spend these lives in helping others.” (Ephesians 2:10).  So, for me, it all aligns well.  If we all focused on service to others, the world could not help but be a better place.
  2. The Law and Promise are both what we strive for, perfection is not required.  The Law starts with “I will try” and the Promise starts with “I will do my best”.  There is no “I will definitely” or “I have to”.  They are based on what we should strive to be and do, not only in achievement.  The entire program is based on learning by trying and doing.  I am someone who is often stopped from doing things, trying things and finishing things because of fear it won’t be perfect.  I like the idea of trying one’s best being good enough. The key here is trying one’s BEST.
  3. The Promise focuses on being a good person.  Period.  Honest, fair, friendly, helpful, considerate, caring, courageous, strong, responsible, respectful, and making the world a better place.  Again, if we would all try to be those things in our everyday life, whether being watched or judged or evaluated.

So, there you have it.  My spark this week is to try to live life by the Girl Scout Law and Promise on a daily basis.  I am going to work on a personal Law and Promise soon – kind of like a mission statement.  Those guiding ideas are so important when the hard decisions need to be made.


Family Kaper Chart

I’ve decided that our family needs its own Kaper Chart!  For those unfamiliar with the Kaper Chart, it is basically a chore chart for a Girl Scout troop. You can find a more developed description at Girl Scout Leader 101. They come in many designs.  I made one for our troop last year that looked like this:

kaper chart example
This Kaper Chart from Etsy is no longer available, so I tried to make my own. It wasn’t nearly as pretty as this one. For other cute GS items, visit TidyLadyPrintables on Etsy!


It wasn’t nearly as fancy as this one, but it used a three-fold and had the areas for announcements and chores and the girl’s names on sticky notes so I could move them around each meeting.  This year, I’ve been using a whiteboard and magnets, but it hasn’t worked nearly as well, so next year I will be going back to the three-fold board.  I am amazed at what having a large, clear and cheery chart does for the girls.  This year, we have not been nearly as good about doing all the different aspects of the meeting each time and I think part of that is really just not having a large enough chart for the girls and me to focus on during the meeting.

So, what lesson can I learn from this for other areas of my life?  Well, first of all, my family is in desperate need of a Kaper Chart!  I have tried regular chore charts in the past, but I don’t think they were large enough or cheery enough for anyone to want to pay attention to them.  I also think they were pretty static.  The nice thing about the Kaper Chart is you can move girls’ names around on the chart and have them doing different things each meeting.  That could work at home too.  Instead of having to do the dishes every. single. day., someone can move their marker to another chore and trade with someone else’s marker.  It does seem like it would work better with a larger family than ours (there are only three of us), but I think I’m going to try it anyway.  It would be nice to have some help around here and maybe this is the motivation everyone needs!

I also can use this at my job coaching Speech and Debate.  I can have a Tournament Kaper Chart where students get assigned things that I have been doing all along – taking pictures, choosing restaurants and making reservations, sending out schedules for each day, etc.  It would relieve me of some of the myriads of things I have to do and empower the students to take some ownership of the team.  Girl Scouts theme is “Girl Led” because the girls are supposed to be learning leadership and organization and cooperation.  I think those same lessons are good for college students to learn as well!

I will be getting on choosing a design for our Family Kaper Chart soon.  I’ll let you know how it works!

What about you?  What do you do to keep your family on track for getting things done around the house?  Do you take it all on yourself?  Do you use a traditional chore chart?  Do you pay your kids to do chores?  I’m curious!  Please comment with a link to a blog post or telling us your strategy for making sure you aren’t the only in the house doing house”work”.